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Tag Archives: paralysis

Wrestling With God

For the last several weeks I have been struggling to sleep, once again. I might go five or six days in a row sleeping only one to three hours per night. On top of that, in November I was hospitalized twice at Duke. I first went for a septic UTI, which kept me there almost a week. Then a week later, I had to go back for a blood infection which also kept me there for about a week. This caused me to miss an entire week of my class which really put me behind.

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He Goes Before Us – Do Not Be Dismayed

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I just returned from a three-day visit to Duke Hospital for an infection. They weren’t sure if it was pneumonia or a bad UTI, so they treated me with the strongest antibiotics available and I am feeling so much better. A three-day stay is just a flyover for me. I began to think about the hospital stays I’ve had over the last eight years and some of them have lasted months. When I think back, I am surprised that I had the patience to lay there, unable to get into my wheelchair, unable to access my laptop, and enduring needle pokes, examinations, and other invasive procedures.

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God’s Love for Us

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For many of you that read my blog, you know that I am paralyzed from the shoulders down and live in a long-term care facility. My permanent aide of the last five years has picked up different responsibilities so others are having to fill in. There has been very little consistency in the aides that are now taking care of me over the three shifts that have to be covered. It’s difficult to have someone different every day see me in ways that make me feel super vulnerable.

These changes in my caregiving routine have caused me a lot of insecurity and anxiety. These feelings are amplified during my nightly battle with insomnia and have caused me to experience a wicked depression. Some mornings I feel like I just can’t breathe and it’s difficult to focus on doing the right things.

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