My greatest challenge as a quadriplegic has been feeling worthwhile. Before my accident, I gained all of my confidence from my job, my outward appearance, and what other people thought of me. After my accident I felt so lost. For the first six months or so I didn’t even look in the mirror. If I did look, I hated what I saw. I remember seething with bitterness when I saw other women all dolled up the way I used to be. Everything the world offered me for self-confidence was gone.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes. Psalm 118:8 – 9
Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings… Psalm 17:8
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:15 – 16
What the world offered me before for happiness was false and fleeting. If I’d only known that God was the only one who would never let me down. If I had only known that no boyfriend/prince would ever make me whole. Not only am I the apple of God’s eye, my name is engraved in the palms of his hands! No worldly love will ever complete me or match the depth of God’s unfailing, everlasting love.
I can’t say this struggle has left me. I find it challenging to even write about this now because my injury is still so fresh. But I know the Scriptures are truth and I am fighting to find my true worth in God alone.
Diary of a Quadriplegic 
Beautifully written. I sought out biblical counseling two weeks ago because, while I wasn’t in jeopardy of losing my faith, I was struggling to catch my breath in the quality of faith. Scripture is my rock and I needed reminder that He knows what He is doing. The counselor had me read Psalm 131 last week, which has similar imagery to the Isaiah passage you quoted. 1My heart is not proud, Lord,my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. 2But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.
I struggle with being calm, quiet, and content in my circumstances. I am learning to trust that his ways are good, even when my circumstances appear lousy (Psalm 119:68).
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You are indeed the apple of his eye. Your post reminded me of a scripture that has always blessed my heart in good times and difficult ones.
Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV) “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” I pray that you hear the voice of the Lord as he sings and rejoices over you. May you be quieted and find peace in his love.
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Not that it’s quite the same, but I have a similar, if exceptionally smaller, thing in my head. I started out many years ago as a classically trained stage actor. At the very beginning, before fame hit, I had worked with Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore, and a number of character actors I still see on TV and movies from time to time. I even got to meet Meredith Baxter once.
Then I fell in love, married Julie, and we planned to move to Chicago to continue my acting pursuit. Except I got her pregnant the first month of our marriage. I had a choice to make; selfishly pursue acting, or get a steady job with benefits for my forming family. I made the right choice.
But when I saw Hanks getting his Kennedy Center award and all the hoopla, I did get depressed. If only…
But I have two great adult daughters. A great wife. And all is as it should be. Hollywood is a place to get warped and damaged, so I remind myself I would have likely been one of those in the tabloids doing really stupid things.
Where would either of us be, if God’s providence hadn’t intervened? Me strung out on whatever and you, a gorgeous doll, crying the tears of a clown. So now I’m writing and communing with you and others in blogs, and you’re beautiful, because God makes you so! Well done, you!
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I couldn’t agree more! Amen.
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