For those that read my blog regularly, you know I’ve been taking classes. I’m happy to say I passed my course even though it was so difficult for me since I have very little knowledge of biblical history. I am so relieved I chose to persevere when I wanted to quit so often. That’s how I can describe my life before choosing to follow God, I was a quitter. If this wheelchair has taught me anything, it’s taught me to persevere. Even so, I can still doubt God.
The last couple of weeks when I was preparing a paper that covered everything that we learned throughout the eight-week course, I started to question God. My insomnia was terrible and I was getting between one and 4 hours of sleep each night. I often asked God, “why aren’t you helping me??” The insomnia is something I pray about continuously and it’s never been completely “cured.” On top of that, my neck and shoulder pain were exacerbated because of everything that was happening, so with the added lack of sleep, it was difficult to concentrate. My faith waned from day to day.
Just when I felt like I was going to snap, I ran across an unsung hero named Gideon. You probably also know of him. I’d like to tell you his story because it might inspire you to keep putting one foot in front of the other in your walk with God, the way it did me.
Judges 6: 12 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”
13 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.”
14 The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”
15 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”
16 The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.”
At the time the Lord called Gideon, the Israelites were being severely oppressed by the Midianites. It was so bad that when the Israelites planted seed, the Midianites and other opposing groups would destroy the crops, leaving no sheep, ox, or donkey, or any sustenance in the land for the Israelites. Gideon’s people were in hiding and were greatly impoverished (Judges 6:1-6).
Gideon had a job to do and the Lord made it clear he was sending him, despite his weak clan and his lowliness within his family. In v. 14, the Lord simply said, “go in the strength you have,” and later in v. 16, “I will be with you.” Gideon didn’t feel confident at the time he was called. He probably didn’t see a way out of the war zone he was living in. That must be why God called him a mighty warrior. He needed the reassurance.
We are all Gideons. We all have times when we feel like we’re at war with other people or with the devil. Other times we just feel weak and don’t have the energy or the motivation to keep going. I get it. Even though I read about Gideon and it inspired me to keep going, my life is still not easy. It never will be, but so many of you can relate to this struggle. We all have a difficult race to run, at times, but God gives us what we individually need.
Last night I once again only got four hours of sleep, but this morning I decided to write this blog, and with God’s help, I feel empowered to get through another day. Tomorrow I will start over. It doesn’t matter if I’m walking, limping, or crawling, I will go in the strength I have, and God will be with me and accomplish whatever purpose he has for me that day.
I’m quite certain he will do the same for you, mighty warrior.