It’s been a long month. I’ve spent more than 4 weeks in a hospital setting, and many days laying in the ICU. As a quadriplegic, I am unable to move in the bed or get up and walk around, so lying completely still for days and days causes a lot of anxiety and depression. I feel like I want to jump out of my skin because I get so crazy. I was finally transferred out of the hospital but into another long-term acute care facility (LTAC). An LTAC is basically a step down hospital for people who are too sick to return home or back to a facility, but can’t stay in a real hospital. Read the rest of this entry
Tag Archives: Disability
I have been feeling so down the past week or so and I can’t pinpoint why. I feel more sad than usual when I look around this facility and see people who are confused, lost, or feel left behind by their family and friends. I can tell there is something bothering me but I’m not sure what it is, so I’ve been praying about it and asking God to reveal it to me. Read the rest of this entry
Lately I’ve been thinking about all I have to be grateful for, even as I sit in this wheelchair. When I think about what my life was like before this injury occurred, I am even more thankful for my current circumstances. This paralysis has given me a chance to finally live authentically, a chance to have a truly meaningful relationship with God, and an opportunity to have deep and abiding relationships with others. Read the rest of this entry
As I was being placed in my wheelchair this morning, one dominant thought crossed my mind: I am not in the mood for this day. I barely got any sleep over the past couple nights because my roommate kept waking up and calling out for help. This morning when I got bathed it was chilly in my room so my body felt even chillier. I hate a cold bath. I have chronic pain in my neck and shoulder, but today it feels like the pain has been turned up a few notches.
When I think back to August 2013, when I fainted in my kitchen and woke up paralyzed, I remember a flurry of emotions. In the beginning, of course, there was the initial shock and disbelief about the devastation that had occurred in my life. While I was in the ICU at UNC, Read the rest of this entry
As a kid, I felt so flawed. I was really skinny and short. I looked so much younger than the other kids. One day I wore shorts to school and I got teased really badly about my skinny legs and knobby knees. I was so ashamed, and unless I was at gymnastics practice, I didn’t wear shorts in public for a long time. Even in high school and college, I felt like my legs were ugly and I didn’t want to show them. Read the rest of this entry
I wrote this blog on March 25, 2015. That was almost 4 years ago. God has brought me into the light of faith, hope and acceptance slowly but surely; so reading this blog really inspired my heart. Maybe it will inspire someone else on their journey, someone who might be having trouble finding power in their weakness.
Sometimes I feel so lost. I wonder how I can add any value to this world in my current condition. As selfish as it sounds, I’ve laid in bed for two or three days at a time in the darkest funk wishing I were not part of this world. On those days I refuse to get in my wheelchair and go out of my room or even outside to get fresh air. At some point I will finally ask myself, how did I get here? And the answer is always the same: I’ve relied on my flesh to cope in my world and not on the Spirit of our mighty God. Read the rest of this entry