As I was being placed in my wheelchair this morning, one dominant thought crossed my mind: I am not in the mood for this day. I barely got any sleep over the past couple nights because my roommate kept waking up and calling out for help. This morning when I got bathed it was chilly in my room so my body felt even chillier. I hate a cold bath. I have chronic pain in my neck and shoulder, but today it feels like the pain has been turned up a few notches.
Tag Archives: Anxiety
When I think back to August 2013, when I fainted in my kitchen and woke up paralyzed, I remember a flurry of emotions. In the beginning, of course, there was the initial shock and disbelief about the devastation that had occurred in my life. While I was in the ICU at UNC, Read the rest of this entry
As a kid, I felt so flawed. I was really skinny and short. I looked so much younger than the other kids. One day I wore shorts to school and I got teased really badly about my skinny legs and knobby knees. I was so ashamed, and unless I was at gymnastics practice, I didn’t wear shorts in public for a long time. Even in high school and college, I felt like my legs were ugly and I didn’t want to show them. Read the rest of this entry
John 15: 5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
When I read this verse, it reminds me of the early days after my injury. It was the first time in my life I realized that I could do nothing.
When I think back to almost 4 years ago, I remember the terror I felt when I woke up lying on my kitchen floor unable to move. After lying helplessly for almost 3 days , I was raced off to the ICU where I had surgeries to repair my broken vertebrae and insert a feeding tube and trachea. Because of the apparatus in and around my throat and larynx, I was also unable to speak.
I’ve spent the last three weeks without my computer. The first week was okay, even though I had nothing to do besides watch TV. The second week I started to become anxious and depressed because I didn’t have what I consider to be my lifeline. My laptop is the only way I can read the Bible, write my blog, and communicate with people through email, texting and phone calls.
Why does God allow difficult things to happen? I do not know the answer. Every time I read the news, look at Facebook, or talk to friends, I hear bad news. I often get sad and sometimes I get angry, but it bolsters my belief that I have to keep my mind set on things above and not on earthly things (Colossians 3:1-2). I do not know the purpose of me being paralyzed, but I do believe that suffering is part of our journey.
I want to share a few thoughts with you. You are not the culmination of the mistakes you’ve made in your life. You are loved with an everlasting love. Even if you find yourself in deep despair you cannot be separated from the love of Christ. No matter how low you go spiritually, God is with you. Even when you’re gas tank of faith is approaching empty, God can still work in your life. God loves you. Take a deep breath. Take time to absorb the verses below. Let me share with you about my own life. Maybe you can relate in one way or another.