I posted this on June 29, 2015. I’ve come a long way but am still convicted when I read these words. I must praise God all the time.
At the time this was written, I didn’t want to be paralyzed and I was confused about why it happened. Today I am grateful for this wheelchair and the lessons I’ve learned as a result of my injury. I praise God for working on me the last four years to get me to the point of gratitude for my paralysis.
Last week I spent three days confined to my bed because my wheelchair was broken. Being confined to my bed sucks the life out of me. When this happens I have too much time to think. Because I can’t move I get anxious and paranoid and feel like I want to jump out of my skin. I get deeply depressed.
It’s inevitable during these times that I question God and his plan for me. I feel like this is so unfair and I don’t understand. If he would only give me a hint of why this is happening. But I just seem to go from one day to the next confused about my life circumstances, and I usually feel very, very angry.
Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise–the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. — Hebrews 13:15
It is important for me to continually praise God even in the midst of suffering. It is important for me to share with others my praise of and trust in God. What is happening to me has a greater purpose than what I can see. One day I will praise God for these life circumstances. I have to hold on from day to day and focus on things above and not what’s happening here on earth. Easier said than done!
The day my injury occurred in 2013, I prayed diligently (earlier in the day) for God to do something to help me to connect with him. At that point in time I definitely felt like I couldn’t get my life together enough to stay focused on what was important. I had been sober for three years and yet I still wasn’t content. I’m not saying God “did” this to me after that cry for help earlier in the day, but I do believe he allowed it to happen and it has a purpose. No matter how it came about, I don’t want to go back to my former way of life. I was miserable and confused. But I don’t want to be paralyzed either. I’m still miserable and confused.
…for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. — Philippians 2:13
The Lord said, “Surely I will set you free for purposes of good… — Jeremiah 15:11
God has a good purpose in all of this. For this reason, I can praise him. One day I will be set free. There will be no more pain. There will be no more sadness. There will be no more confusion. For this reason, I can praise him.