Some days I spend a lot of time taking deep breaths because I feel like I’m suffocating. This is one of those days. Lately I’ve been so unmotivated. I don’t want to stay in bed and yet I don’t want to get in my wheelchair. I hate feeling like this.
Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” — Psalm 16:1-2
If I couldn’t pray I would certainly be insane. I have no props. I have no crutches. I can’t sleep this situation away. I can’t get drunk enough to put me out of my misery. I’m stuck in this paralyzed body.
And yet even when I was able-bodied, I felt stuck. Unfortunately, I had many props when I was able-bodied and I often relied on them to make myself feel better. I charged up a lot of credit cards and I drank a little too much wine. I spent a lot of time in the gym trying to look perfect. I spent too much time at work trying to get ahead. None of this ever solved anything.
Now I have no other choice but to pray, believe that the Scriptures are true, and let you know how I feel. This is a good thing and it reiterates Psalm 16: apart from God I have no good thing. For this reason, I can breathe.
I can really relate to your words. Since having Pneumonia recently, breathing has been more difficult. I also recently got a new really comfortable bed. It’s so tempting to stay in bed in the morning breathing easy with my BI-PAP on. I literally have to force myself to get in my wheelchair.
And each day that you breathe, you get closer to your Lord and to your Heavenly Home.
Dear Terri, you are a spiritual fighter. May God grant you an energetic faith, loving him with all your heart mind soul and strength. We are each called to this important, essential, and worthy cause. Your honesty and determination is inspirational.
Rev. 21:3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning, or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
This post is encouraging, yet convicting. Thank-you.