I wrote this blog on March 25, 2015. That was almost 4 years ago. God has brought me into the light of faith, hope and acceptance slowly but surely; so reading this blog really inspired my heart. Maybe it will inspire someone else on their journey, someone who might be having trouble finding power in their weakness.
Sometimes I feel so lost. I wonder how I can add any value to this world in my current condition. As selfish as it sounds, I’ve laid in bed for two or three days at a time in the darkest funk wishing I were not part of this world. On those days I refuse to get in my wheelchair and go out of my room or even outside to get fresh air. At some point I will finally ask myself, how did I get here? And the answer is always the same: I’ve relied on my flesh to cope in my world and not on the Spirit of our mighty God.
Galatians 5: 16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.
What does my flesh want? To feel sorry for myself. To be isolated and sit in the dark. To just give up. When I’m relying on myself I am doomed and am enslaved by darkness. Through prayer and faith, I can be set free and live in the light.
John 8: 12 Then Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
Without God, I would never be able to endure my life circumstances. None of us would be able to endure our life circumstances, whatever they are. When I don’t take time to pray, look at Scripture, and spend time with my sisters in Christ who can challenge and encourage me, I am destined to fall into a deep depression and become bitter towards God. The reality is, I have no power and God has all power. Why am I not relying on and trusting in him?
Today I felt weak. I slept very little last night and I didn’t want to get out of bed. But I’m sitting in my wheelchair right now and I’m talking to you about my weakness and God’s strength. Even as I started to write this blog, I got a bad headache and felt distracted and discouraged. But I prayed and I pushed through. Today God’s power was made perfect in my weakness. It was God who pushed me through. In that I can boast.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11 So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.