When I think back to where my life was before finding God, I was living in darkness and despair. My three years in college were the most miserable and confusing days of my life. I was drinking on a daily basis and my goal in life was getting the attention of men so I could feel worthwhile. It was a never ending chase and it always ended up in defeat. I was convinced there was something wrong with me and that I was unlovable. Read the rest of this entry
Tag Archives: chronic illness
If this pandemic had happened when I was able-bodied, seven years ago, I would be in big trouble. I was fiercely independent and always lived by myself. Before returning to my church in 2013, I didn’t keep company with a lot of friends. As an introvert, I was more comfortable being alone in my home with my laptop and my cats.
Getting back to being in big trouble, as a recovering alcoholic who had lapsed going to meetings, the idea of social distancing would have certainly driven me to drink. Well, I would have driven myself to GET a drink. The fact that liquor stores are still open shows how much Americans need that liquid confidence; that elixir that brings about a false sense of peace. Read the rest of this entry
I was recently enrolled in my last class before graduating with a bachelor’s degree. It was an accelerated class that crammed an entire semester of work into an 8 week timeframe. I was typically spending 30 to 40 hours a week reading class materials, writing papers, participating in forums, and taking tests. It was a huge challenge but I loved it (plus, I had a tutor!). Then in the seventh week of class, it happened. Read the rest of this entry
Today I have hope because I am focusing on the right things. But my trek to this point has been hard.
As many of you know, I’ve had a rough several months. I’ve been in and out of the ICU, spent time in a long term acute care facility, and, for a while, was not able to return to the facility that has been my home for five years. That was probably the worst part of this journey. The good news is, I’ve returned to my facility, where much of the staff is like family to me, and I’m close to my church folk and many loyal friends who visit me on a regular basis. Read the rest of this entry
When I think back to August 2013, when I fainted in my kitchen and woke up paralyzed, I remember a flurry of emotions. In the beginning, of course, there was the initial shock and disbelief about the devastation that had occurred in my life. While I was in the ICU at UNC, Read the rest of this entry
As a kid, I felt so flawed. I was really skinny and short. I looked so much younger than the other kids. One day I wore shorts to school and I got teased really badly about my skinny legs and knobby knees. I was so ashamed, and unless I was at gymnastics practice, I didn’t wear shorts in public for a long time. Even in high school and college, I felt like my legs were ugly and I didn’t want to show them. Read the rest of this entry
I wrote this blog on March 25, 2015. That was almost 4 years ago. God has brought me into the light of faith, hope and acceptance slowly but surely; so reading this blog really inspired my heart. Maybe it will inspire someone else on their journey, someone who might be having trouble finding power in their weakness.
Sometimes I feel so lost. I wonder how I can add any value to this world in my current condition. As selfish as it sounds, I’ve laid in bed for two or three days at a time in the darkest funk wishing I were not part of this world. On those days I refuse to get in my wheelchair and go out of my room or even outside to get fresh air. At some point I will finally ask myself, how did I get here? And the answer is always the same: I’ve relied on my flesh to cope in my world and not on the Spirit of our mighty God. Read the rest of this entry