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Rejoice in the Trials

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I’ve been lying in bed almost 3 months now. I am feeling so agitated. I’m so used to getting up every day and getting into my wheelchair. I love having the freedom to go outside, to be able to smell the fresh air and look at the flowers in bloom during this time of year. I love leaning my chair back and letting the sun warm my face. It feels so good, and I miss it. I was unable to use my wheelchair at the hospital, and now I’m at a new place one hour from my home and my wheelchair has not yet been transported here. I look forward to finally getting it next week. 

What I’ve been looking at every day are the sterile walls of hospitals and nursing homes. When I was at Duke they didn’t bathe me or brush my teeth unless I requested it. Then they used these wipes that were similar to baby wipes that you use to clean up after a dirty diaper. I didn’t feel clean at all and I was there for almost 3 weeks. I was lying in the bed dirty, hair oily, with yucky teeth. I was really depressed.

Jonah 2:“When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.

Jonah 2: You hurled me into the depths, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me. I said, ‘I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again toward your holy temple.’

Jonah prayed these prayers in the belly of a fish. I’m sure it was dark and slimy, and that he felt hopeless.  But he found a way to praise God.

To get through these past weeks, I’ve had to find a way to praise God. In the midst of my troubles, I just wanted to stare out the window and think about nothing. I didn’t have my laptop at the hospital so I couldn’t look at Scripture. Reading The Word always helps me to get focused and it increases my faith. Without it, I had to fight just to concentrate enough to pray. I am thankful to now have my laptop and have been digging in The Word once again. It certainly makes any burden I have lighter.

Right now I’m in a facility that is an hour or more away from most of my friends and family. This is the only facility in the area that would accept me. It’s tough these days for those of us on Medicaid. We don’t make money for facilities and so they give our beds up to better paying customers.

This new facility isn’t terrible, but it’s been tough getting adjusted to the CNAs. Some of them get annoyed when I ask them to brush my teeth. Others get frustrated with how many requests I have. They don’t think about the reason why – that I am completely paralyzed and can’t do anything on my own. I have faith that things will turn around and believe that we will come to an understanding of one another. God is good in that way.

The last facility was my home. I was there for almost 5 years and the staff there was my family. Not going back there was heartbreaking. There’s a small chance I can go back there in the future, but I have to wait a little longer and stay in this current facility.

Jonah 2: The engulfing waters threatened me, deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head. To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you, Lord my God, brought my life up from the pit.

Like Jonah, I truly have been redeemed from the pit. I have been released from my former life when I felt aimless and without hope. I have been liberated from the time when I was drowning in alcoholism and choosing to have sick relationships where I sometimes feared for my life. Yes – I am grateful that I am no longer in the pit.

Thank you God for relieving me of the anxiety I felt every morning when I woke up in my former way of life. Thank you for breaking the chains of shame and guilt that were wrapped around my neck, choking me and causing me to sink into the abyss of darkness. I praise you for what I learned from that time; for the gratitude I feel now that I am no longer trapped in what felt like quick sand.

Thank you God for allowing me to have a specialized wheelchair, that cost as much as a car. You moved the hearts of generous friends to get the resources needed for a purchase.

Thank you for friends and family that sometimes drive long distances just to encourage me and keep me grounded. Thank you for the prayers of these same people. I know that their requests to you are answered, according to your will.

I have so much to be grateful for and I don’t have to dig deep to find it.

Psalm 13: How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

v.5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.

Amen.

About Terri Nida

In August 2013, I fainted in my kitchen and woke up paralyzed from the shoulders down. I am still trying to make sense of all this, but one thing I know is that God is with me and he loves me.

38 responses »

  1. Hi Terri. Is there any way we can help to get your wheelchair to you?
    This is Pam Schlegel.

    Liked by 2 people

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  2. Paulette Sheffield

    Terri, I am so sorry you for all you are experiencing. I’m keeping you in my prayers! Thank you for sharing..your faith is inspiring! The strength of your faith and perseverance is amazing. Your vulnerability and openness touches my heart. We all struggle with different things in our lives and having the ability to remain faithful is often not easy. Thank you for always showing us how to struggle through our fears, doubts and situations and to rely on our faith more even in those times.
    Love you!!!

    Liked by 2 people

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  3. Barbara Goodman

    Terri, how can we get you your wheelchair??

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. Gretchen Van Gelder Casey

    Can I visit tomorrow, Terri, or would you prefer I don’t? Let me know!!

    Sent from my iPhone

    Gretchen Van Gelder Casey

    >

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Gretchen Van Gelder Casey

    Do you think I could get your wheel chair for you? Tomorrow? Where is it? It should fit in my Highlander? And then visit you on Saturday to deliver it? I just remembered how big and costly it is – kind of risky?

    Sent from my iPhone

    Gretchen Van Gelder Casey

    >

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. Been a long time since I’ve seen you on my screen, Terri. So glad to see you are doing reasonably well. The scripture verses you wrote say so much of your present state of mind. The Lord is very faithful. You have not been forgotten in my prayers. Our precious Savior is ever present.

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  7. I’m glad you got your computer at least! Thank you for writing and for letting us know how
    you are. Your faith is inspiring. You are in my prayers. I hope you get to go back to your previous home, but wherever you are, God is with you.

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. Connie Tillmann

    Terri,

    Your message is so moving…what resilience and strength! I am away assisting with my mom’s care. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. God bless you.

    Connie Tillmann

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. God is so faithful. Thank you Terri for sharing your struggles and your faith.
    “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.”
    ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:8-10
    Keeping you in my prayers ♥️

    Liked by 3 people

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  10. Dear sister, we dont know what God is doing but I pray that you see His hand move in your midst. Randy Alcorn once wrote, “God takes personal every act of kindness and every offense made upon His children”.
    For their sake as well as yours, I pray that that ‘caretakers’ sense the privilege it is to serve you.
    Praying for you dear Terri, your post truly ministered to me this morning.

    Liked by 3 people

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  11. Reblogged this on LIVING BY FAITH and commented:
    Courage ! Inspirational! I
    Hope in the midst of trials

    Liked by 3 people

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  12. So encouraging, and really put me in my place regarding the things in my life I regard as trials. Sonrisa reposted this on her blog, and I’m glad I found you. The Lord’s richest blessings upon you, Terri!

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  13. Reply
    Betsy | June 28, 2019 at 8:14 am
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    Terri, I am so sorry that your life is so much more challenging right now. Steve and I will continue to pray and wait for good news. For Surely good news is on the way to you. I love that words from Jonah’s life, thoughts, prayers and his heart have been a strength for you. You already know that Jesus also connected with Jonah’s plight. Jesus and Jonah. And you. That’s good company! Their story and your story and comfort and inspiration for so many and your story with its ups and downs does the same.
    “… and the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power forever and ever. Amen “ 1 Peter 5:10-11

    Liked by 3 people

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  14. Your faith and hope in the Lord are evident. Please keep the flag flying. And thank you for following my blog.

    Liked by 2 people

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  15. Hugs Terri, it’s always so good to hear from you and get refreshed by your perspective and the way your eyes are fixed on things above.

    Liked by 1 person

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  16. Encouraging post!

    Liked by 2 people

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  17. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this, but so encouraged by what God has done in the midst of it all. He is so good in the midst of this temporary affliction, but so many fail to see that. I’m grateful for your eyes to see. I was heading into a counseling appointment with one of the ladies from our group who is severely traumatized, and I read it to her. It was helpful to her. 💗

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  18. Thank you Terri! I love seeing your posts. They remind me of the grace God grants so lavishly and freely even when I strain to see it. My wife and I are both in recovery from addiction. A friend of ours always reminds us that “a grateful addict will never use”, and we are so grateful for your constant reminders of God’s goodness, mercy, and grace. Please know you’re in our prayers and keep up the great work you fill us all with!

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  19. I’m praying you will either be able to return to your former facility or that the workers in your current one will show compassion and generosity as they get to know you. Thank you for sharing your tremendous faith.

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  20. I’m so sorry about these difficult trials you’re going through, Terri. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I’ve been stuck in hospital bed 24/7 and it’s a miserable place to be – even with the best of care. I also have a comfortable wheelchair that costs as much a car. I’m so thankful for my wheelchair!
    I am praying for you, my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

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  21. Terri, this post is one that doesn’t discount your struggles in any way but shows us that even in the midst of the “whale belly”, we have the choice to praise God anyhow. You have modeled this example well – walking is through the heartache, pain, separation, frustration etc and showing us that yes, God is still good ❤️

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  22. Hi Terri. I have been thinking about you and praying for you. I am wondering if you have been able to move back to Durham yet. Please let me know if I can do anything for you. Love, Pam

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  23. Ah, dear Terri, praying for better things.

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  24. Thank you for posting this inspirational piece. The strength of your faith encourages me, and your inclusion of the verses from Jonah is so appropriate.

    Liked by 1 person

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  25. Thank you for sharing your witness, Terri.

    Liked by 1 person

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  26. Mary Sweeney

    Terri,
    My heart sank when Bill sent me this blog. 😦 I told him that I wished we lived closer so I could help you!
    I’m so sorry you are having to go through this.
    I love how at the end of your blogs you are grateful. I think that keeps our hearts from becoming bitter. God knows just where you are and is giving you the grace you need to keep posting these encouraging posts.
    Always praying for you, and telling others about your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

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