I’ve been lying in bed almost 3 months now. I am feeling so agitated. I’m so used to getting up every day and getting into my wheelchair. I love having the freedom to go outside, to be able to smell the fresh air and look at the flowers in bloom during this time of year. I love leaning my chair back and letting the sun warm my face. It feels so good, and I miss it. I was unable to use my wheelchair at the hospital, and now I’m at a new place one hour from my home and my wheelchair has not yet been transported here. I look forward to finally getting it next week.
What I’ve been looking at every day are the sterile walls of hospitals and nursing homes. When I was at Duke they didn’t bathe me or brush my teeth unless I requested it. Then they used these wipes that were similar to baby wipes that you use to clean up after a dirty diaper. I didn’t feel clean at all and I was there for almost 3 weeks. I was lying in the bed dirty, hair oily, with yucky teeth. I was really depressed.
Jonah 2: 7 “When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.
Jonah 2: 3 You hurled me into the depths, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me. 4 I said, ‘I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again toward your holy temple.’
Jonah prayed these prayers in the belly of a fish. I’m sure it was dark and slimy, and that he felt hopeless. But he found a way to praise God.
To get through these past weeks, I’ve had to find a way to praise God. In the midst of my troubles, I just wanted to stare out the window and think about nothing. I didn’t have my laptop at the hospital so I couldn’t look at Scripture. Reading The Word always helps me to get focused and it increases my faith. Without it, I had to fight just to concentrate enough to pray. I am thankful to now have my laptop and have been digging in The Word once again. It certainly makes any burden I have lighter.
Right now I’m in a facility that is an hour or more away from most of my friends and family. This is the only facility in the area that would accept me. It’s tough these days for those of us on Medicaid. We don’t make money for facilities and so they give our beds up to better paying customers.
This new facility isn’t terrible, but it’s been tough getting adjusted to the CNAs. Some of them get annoyed when I ask them to brush my teeth. Others get frustrated with how many requests I have. They don’t think about the reason why – that I am completely paralyzed and can’t do anything on my own. I have faith that things will turn around and believe that we will come to an understanding of one another. God is good in that way.
The last facility was my home. I was there for almost 5 years and the staff there was my family. Not going back there was heartbreaking. There’s a small chance I can go back there in the future, but I have to wait a little longer and stay in this current facility.
Jonah 2: 5 The engulfing waters threatened me, deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head. 6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you, Lord my God, brought my life up from the pit.
Like Jonah, I truly have been redeemed from the pit. I have been released from my former life when I felt aimless and without hope. I have been liberated from the time when I was drowning in alcoholism and choosing to have sick relationships where I sometimes feared for my life. Yes – I am grateful that I am no longer in the pit.
Thank you God for relieving me of the anxiety I felt every morning when I woke up in my former way of life. Thank you for breaking the chains of shame and guilt that were wrapped around my neck, choking me and causing me to sink into the abyss of darkness. I praise you for what I learned from that time; for the gratitude I feel now that I am no longer trapped in what felt like quick sand.
Thank you God for allowing me to have a specialized wheelchair, that cost as much as a car. You moved the hearts of generous friends to get the resources needed for a purchase.
Thank you for friends and family that sometimes drive long distances just to encourage me and keep me grounded. Thank you for the prayers of these same people. I know that their requests to you are answered, according to your will.
I have so much to be grateful for and I don’t have to dig deep to find it.
Psalm 13: 1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?
v.5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. 6 I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.
Amen.
Diary of a Quadriplegic 
Hi Terri. Is there any way we can help to get your wheelchair to you?
This is Pam Schlegel.
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Terri, I am so sorry you for all you are experiencing. I’m keeping you in my prayers! Thank you for sharing..your faith is inspiring! The strength of your faith and perseverance is amazing. Your vulnerability and openness touches my heart. We all struggle with different things in our lives and having the ability to remain faithful is often not easy. Thank you for always showing us how to struggle through our fears, doubts and situations and to rely on our faith more even in those times.
Love you!!!
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Terri, how can we get you your wheelchair??
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Can I visit tomorrow, Terri, or would you prefer I don’t? Let me know!!
Sent from my iPhone
Gretchen Van Gelder Casey
>
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Terri just stumbled onto your blog. Will keep you in my prayers. God does bring us to things and thru things. Don’t let go. 🙏❤️
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Glad you found yourself here. Grateful for the prayers.
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Do you think I could get your wheel chair for you? Tomorrow? Where is it? It should fit in my Highlander? And then visit you on Saturday to deliver it? I just remembered how big and costly it is – kind of risky?
Sent from my iPhone
Gretchen Van Gelder Casey
>
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Been a long time since I’ve seen you on my screen, Terri. So glad to see you are doing reasonably well. The scripture verses you wrote say so much of your present state of mind. The Lord is very faithful. You have not been forgotten in my prayers. Our precious Savior is ever present.
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I’m glad you got your computer at least! Thank you for writing and for letting us know how
you are. Your faith is inspiring. You are in my prayers. I hope you get to go back to your previous home, but wherever you are, God is with you.
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Thank you, Martha! Your words help me to continue to persevere.
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Terri,
Your message is so moving…what resilience and strength! I am away assisting with my mom’s care. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. God bless you.
Connie Tillmann
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God is so faithful. Thank you Terri for sharing your struggles and your faith.
“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.”
2 Corinthians 4:8-10
Keeping you in my prayers ♥️
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Thank you, Sonrisa, for your encouragement and for reminding me of that great passage in Corinthians. I am grateful for your prayers.
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Terri, I am so sorry that your life is so much more challenging right now. Steve and I will continue to pray and wait for good news. For Surely good news is on the way to you. I love that words from Jonah’s life, thoughts, prayers and his heart have been a strength for you. You already know that Jesus also connected with Jonah’s plight. Jesus and Jonah. And you. That’s good company! Their story and your story and comfort and inspiration for so many and your story with its ups and downs does the same.
“… and the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power forever and ever. Amen “ 1 Peter 5:10-11
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Dear sister, we dont know what God is doing but I pray that you see His hand move in your midst. Randy Alcorn once wrote, “God takes personal every act of kindness and every offense made upon His children”.
For their sake as well as yours, I pray that that ‘caretakers’ sense the privilege it is to serve you.
Praying for you dear Terri, your post truly ministered to me this morning.
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Thank you, Lisa. I appreciate your encouragement and am so grateful for your prayers. I’ll have to check out Randy Alcorn and see what else he’s had to say.
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That quote was from his book ‘Safely Home’, although a novel, it reflects true stories of persecuted believers and holds so much Biblical truths.
Praying for you sister. 🌹
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Reblogged this on LIVING BY FAITH and commented:
Courage ! Inspirational! I
Hope in the midst of trials
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Thank you, Sonrisa!
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My pleasure! Grace and blessings
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So encouraging, and really put me in my place regarding the things in my life I regard as trials. Sonrisa reposted this on her blog, and I’m glad I found you. The Lord’s richest blessings upon you, Terri!
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Thank you! I look forward to reading your blog as well.
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Reply
Betsy | June 28, 2019 at 8:14 am
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Terri, I am so sorry that your life is so much more challenging right now. Steve and I will continue to pray and wait for good news. For Surely good news is on the way to you. I love that words from Jonah’s life, thoughts, prayers and his heart have been a strength for you. You already know that Jesus also connected with Jonah’s plight. Jesus and Jonah. And you. That’s good company! Their story and your story and comfort and inspiration for so many and your story with its ups and downs does the same.
“… and the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power forever and ever. Amen “ 1 Peter 5:10-11
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Your faith and hope in the Lord are evident. Please keep the flag flying. And thank you for following my blog.
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Terri, hoping your chair is delivered to you soon to get you out of that bed! I know you are about to go stir crazy not being able to have your freedom to enjoy the outside and other places we take for granted. I enjoyed our visit last Sunday and will be back soon with more pineapple for you. Let me know if you need anything or if I can do anything for you. Praying your chair is brought to you soon!
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Hugs Terri, it’s always so good to hear from you and get refreshed by your perspective and the way your eyes are fixed on things above.
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Encouraging post!
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I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this, but so encouraged by what God has done in the midst of it all. He is so good in the midst of this temporary affliction, but so many fail to see that. I’m grateful for your eyes to see. I was heading into a counseling appointment with one of the ladies from our group who is severely traumatized, and I read it to her. It was helpful to her. 💗
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I’m so glad to hear that, Joy.
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Terri, it was such an honor to meet you through Tony. It seems like we have always been friends. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Love you.
Phyllis
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Thank you Terri! I love seeing your posts. They remind me of the grace God grants so lavishly and freely even when I strain to see it. My wife and I are both in recovery from addiction. A friend of ours always reminds us that “a grateful addict will never use”, and we are so grateful for your constant reminders of God’s goodness, mercy, and grace. Please know you’re in our prayers and keep up the great work you fill us all with!
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Thank you for your prayers! I am so grateful.
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I’m praying you will either be able to return to your former facility or that the workers in your current one will show compassion and generosity as they get to know you. Thank you for sharing your tremendous faith.
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I am grateful for your prayers, Rebecca.
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I’m so sorry about these difficult trials you’re going through, Terri. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I’ve been stuck in hospital bed 24/7 and it’s a miserable place to be – even with the best of care. I also have a comfortable wheelchair that costs as much a car. I’m so thankful for my wheelchair!
I am praying for you, my friend.
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Terri, this post is one that doesn’t discount your struggles in any way but shows us that even in the midst of the “whale belly”, we have the choice to praise God anyhow. You have modeled this example well – walking is through the heartache, pain, separation, frustration etc and showing us that yes, God is still good ❤️
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Hi Terri. I have been thinking about you and praying for you. I am wondering if you have been able to move back to Durham yet. Please let me know if I can do anything for you. Love, Pam
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Ah, dear Terri, praying for better things.
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Thank you for posting this inspirational piece. The strength of your faith encourages me, and your inclusion of the verses from Jonah is so appropriate.
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Thank you for sharing your witness, Terri.
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Terri,
My heart sank when Bill sent me this blog. 😦 I told him that I wished we lived closer so I could help you!
I’m so sorry you are having to go through this.
I love how at the end of your blogs you are grateful. I think that keeps our hearts from becoming bitter. God knows just where you are and is giving you the grace you need to keep posting these encouraging posts.
Always praying for you, and telling others about your blog.
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Terri, I am new to your blog and I am humbled that God let me find you. It’s hard with just small trials to have a thankful heart so I know you must be a shinning light to those around you. Our attitude really is the only thing we can control, all else as I am sure you can testify to is out of our hands. We think we control so much then life strikes a blow and all we depended on is gone. to know someone in your condition with such a Godly attitude is such an encouragement. I will be back to gleam more wisdom from you. blessings.
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Hi Terri. I’ve followed you for some time now. Your faith certainly inspires me. I do hope the wheelchair came! You have some followers that are eager to help you have what you need. I shared your post today as I believe God is using you. I hope you see that too. Whatever we do, we do with thanksgiving and praise and you are doing that in a truly difficult situation. Any of us could be there… thank you for staying strong – I pray that God continues to be your go to and gives you hope and builds your faith. I know He is well pleased with you. Praying for you and thinking of you today.
Under His Grace,
Jamie
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Praying for you Terri and sending virtual hugs and love 🙂
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Thought for Today
HEDGED IN
“Why is light given to a man whose way is hidden,
whom God has hedged in?”
Job 3:23
The confinements of God serve His end to those who understand His ways. Liberty in the Spirit often comes to those who feel hedged in in the flesh. The light of God is given in times of darkness. The constrictions of circumstances bring enlargement, patience and strength to those who see beyond the walls of this life. There is a hidden ministry, veiled from the prisoner, during the silent and painful work of a pearl being formed. The graces of God must be fashioned in the life of His own in the dark and lonely experiences of life.
“And Joseph’s master took him, and put him into the prison,
a place where the king’s prisoners were bound:
and he was there in the prison”
Genesis 39:20
There are dark places within the soul of man which require dark times to bring and fill them with the light of God! Joseph could not comprehend the end God had determined for him. He had a dream of authority in the family of God, but he had never even considered the greater sphere in which he would rule and reign! God’s end is always larger than what we can see. What was the secret hidden in Joseph’s captivity?
“But the Lord was with Joseph…”
Genesis 39:21
There is treasure locked within the dark times of our lives. There are purposes to be mined in the deep places of confinement and loneliness. The promise of greater things is bound up within our faithfulness to serve God in these prisons. Joseph’s faithfulness to God was the key to his release. His faithfulness to the gift of interpreting dreams became the very means of unlocking his prison door.
Let not the dark places crush your vision. Let not despondency rob you of your service unto the King of kings. Remain faithful in every circumstance to serve and honor God; for we shall surely reap in proportion to our sowing. We will stand in the Day of harvest, bringing our sheaves to lay at the feet of the One alone who is worthy.
“I have remembered thy name,
O Lord, in the night,
and have kept thy law”
Psalm 119:55
Σ
“And I will give thee the treasures of darkness,
and hidden riches of secret places,
that thou mayest know that I, the Lord,
which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel”
Isaiah 45:3
Brian Troxel
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Hello Terri
You are always in my prayers.
Your strength and grace still amaze me.
Gods strength is with you always.
I hope you are still enjoying PBS!
Melissa
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