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God’s Love for Us

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For many of you that read my blog, you know that I am paralyzed from the shoulders down and live in a long-term care facility. My permanent aide of the last five years has picked up different responsibilities so others are having to fill in. There has been very little consistency in the aides that are now taking care of me over the three shifts that have to be covered. It’s difficult to have someone different every day see me in ways that make me feel super vulnerable.

These changes in my caregiving routine have caused me a lot of insecurity and anxiety. These feelings are amplified during my nightly battle with insomnia and have caused me to experience a wicked depression. Some mornings I feel like I just can’t breathe and it’s difficult to focus on doing the right things.

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Run the Race

Like all of you, I’ve been running a race my whole life. Before becoming a Christian, I was running the rat race of working to gain more – of anything. I also had many years in my life when alcohol was running my race for me, and it was ugly and dark. In 2013, when I fainted in my kitchen and became paralyzed from the neck down, that was a new and uncertain path in my race. I’d like to share some thoughts with you about my ever fluctuating race over the years.

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When my neck was broken in 2013 there was so much confusion in my mind. Difficult things happened in my life before then and I had held onto my faith, but this was so catastrophic that I couldn’t think clearly. I wondered if God was punishing me for all I had done wrong. Although I was sober when my injury occurred, I had been an active alcoholic for many years before then and the behaviors that accompanied my drinking were condemned sins all throughout the Bible.

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