RSS Feed

Here I Am

Genesis 22: When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied.

12 “Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.

Abraham didn’t hesitate to do what God had asked him to do. I would love to know what his thoughts were as he and his young son walked to the sacrifice site. He went as far as binding his son and lifting the knife to slay him. God knew then that Abraham would not withhold anything from him if he was willing to give up his cherished son. When God called Abraham just before he was going to sacrifice his son, Abraham simply said, “Here I am.”

Do I say those words? “Here I am God, use me in any way you need to use me.” When things go south in my life, do I say, “Here I am God, I trust you will provide for me in this situation.”

Some days I wake up with so much neck pain I want to cry. Some days I feel so trapped – not just in my facility, because we still have to stay in our rooms, for the most part – but also trapped in this wheelchair. Even after all these years, I sometimes feel like I have a straitjacket on and all I want to do is jump up and go running outside. It’s on those days I need to say, “Here I am. Provide for me today, God. I am unable to provide for myself.”

To make it more applicable to my situation today, I’m taking graduate school classes and the workload is so very heavy. I’ve never been a very disciplined person and quite frankly I hate having to schedule my day and then push myself to get things done. The subject matter right now is very weighty and requires a lot of reading. My class is about hermeneutics and exegesis. I know many of you recognize these terms but I had to look them up before starting the class! I have often felt lost and just wanted withdraw from the class. That’s how I lived my life before – if something was too hard I just walked away from it. I was a quitter.

Galatians 5: 16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

Yesterday was one of those days. The work felt too overwhelming so I decided to just not do it. Let’s call it a temper tantrum. I didn’t say, “Here I am.” I allowed my flesh to take hold of my day and I did nothing but read about the impeachment trial and scroll through social media. I wrote, maybe, two paragraphs of a 5+ page paper. I know – it’s okay to have “off” days, but as it turns out, at the end of the day I felt depressed and anxious, not to mention guilty for not doing my work.

Today I am led by the spirit of life and I am not condemned (Rom 8:1). God’s steadfast love never ceases and his mercies are new every morning (Lam 3:22-23). Despite what happened yesterday, or last week, or last year, today I can say, “Here I am.”

Amen.

About Terri Nida

In August 2013, I fainted in my kitchen and woke up paralyzed from the shoulders down. I am still trying to make sense of all this, but one thing I know is that God is with me and he loves me.

24 responses »

  1. “Here I am” to be able to say that is a really big deal Terri. To hit the “off” buttons, set aside “to do” lists and before all the factors of the day are right, to stop right when I am in the middle of my stuff and say “Here I am” is a very hard but the very thing I should do. thanks for the reminder.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. God bless you, Terri.
    We have a lot of seminary students in our church, so I started hearing words like “exegesis” and “hermeneutics.” But I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to exit Jesus. And I still don’t know who Herman is… 🙄

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. Amen, Terri! Praise to the eternal & compassionate God who gives us -each day-a new day. My Wednesday felt quite similar to yours. When I woke up today I realized I need to repent of something that -for me- , is self indulgent laziness. So moment-by-moment today, that’s what I’m striving to do. My natural nature is voracious when it comes to pleasing myself… so voracious it feels unquenchable. But by God’s Holy Spirit I’m facing each impulse to please myself & saying “please help me to please You, Father.” I’ll add you to today’s prayer: ‘Please continue to help Terri too, to please You, Father.’

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. Thank you for this post, Terri. May God’s richest blessings be upon you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. Dear Terri, I praise the Lord every time I see your post in the Reader. I love how He is continuing to work in your life. If He has the power and the grace to bless you with His work, He can certainly bless any of us. I am praying for wisdom, strength, grace, and perseverance for your stidoes.Thw free dornload for our granddaugjter’s new art book on Amazon Kindle is availalbe through today. https://www.amazon.com/Where-Jesus-30-meditations-Christ-ebook/dp/B08VZR7NV1/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=Where+Jesus+Is&qid=1612974697&s=digital-text&sr=1-3
    This is a simple tool for memorization and meditation for the whole family. Love and blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  6. Thank you so much Terri. Inspired by the word and your great example of continually saying “Here I Am” no matter what has or will happen.
    Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. Thank you Terri for reminding me to always look to God and say Here I am!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. Thanks for sharing your beautiful writing and personal struggles Terri – this really spoke to me. I often get so caught up in a difficult situation that I forget to say (and sometimes don’t want to say) “here I am” to God. I know we’ve never met and I’ve only read some bits of your story that you’ve chosen to share, but I am so proud of you for going for a big dream in the midst of such a difficult time. Studying is tough at the best of times! As you say, we will inevitably have off days and that’s okay – but I’ll always keep in my heart the idea of picking myself up and saying “here I am” as I accept the difficulty as part of God’s plan.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. Good for you for taking online classes! A good use of your time. May God bless the wisdom and knowledge you are gaining.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. Thank you for being so vulnerable. There are days when I don’t want to say “Here am I”, I am more likely to say “There she is, use her!”.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  11. Thank you Terri, I love reading your posts. You are such an encouragement and a witness to the faithfulness of our Triune God.
    ♥️♥️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  12. Good Word!

    Blessings
    BT

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  13. Terri, the longer I live the more amazed I’ve become at how resilient God’s children are. While we all struggle and doubt from time to time, the truth is there is no quit in us. The word no longer exists in our vocabulary.

    Be encouraged my friend and know that He is doing a work in you far beyond what you can see with earthly eyes. In all of us, God is perfecting us one incredibly slow moment at a time. The day is soon to come however when this veil of flesh will be lifted from us and then we shall see what He has seen all along. I can hardly wait!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  14. I needed this post today especially. I battle impatience and struggle with submission to God on a daily basis sometimes. Thank you for the divinely-inspired redirection Terri. Even on your darkest days, you allow God to shine His bright light through you to help others and I am thankful for you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  15. Barbara Rinehardt

    Teri,
    Thank you so much for your post. It lifts me up every
    time I read one of your post. My prayers are with you
    daily. With my love and prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  16. I find your words to be so deeply touching. I am going to be more focused on keeping up with your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  17. Thanks Terri! Don’t give up doing your best to follow what God has put in your heart for Him. His schedule and mine rarely mesh but He continues faithful even when we feel worn out. He doesn’t get tired of coming to our rescue! Blessings

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  18. Amen, Terri, amen today!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a Reply to BT Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: