First the good news. I haven’t been hospitalized for almost 6 months! As many of you know, I was hospitalized every few weeks throughout last year. The doctors knew how to treat the blood infections temporarily, but within 2 to 4 weeks, the infections always returned. In October, the doctors decided to remove several kidney stones, and that was my last visit to the hospital in 2023. Thank you for your prayers! Onward and upward!
Last week, my permanent aide told me she was getting new responsibilities and would no longer be working with me. As you can imagine, I was really upset. I’ve gone through at least five caregivers in the last 12 months or so because they always get moved to different assignments or are given different responsibilities. It is so hard to not have a permanent aide because I could have several different caregivers in one week. That means people unfamiliar to me to taking care of my personal needs when I feel the most vulnerable. Even after all these years, it still feels embarrassing.
My first reaction was to get mad at her and everyone else here that makes these decisions. How can they do this to me, again! But something came over me quite quickly, and it stopped me in my tracks. Do I trust in God’s plan or am I placing my faith in people?
I’ve been going back through my old blog posts for the last few weeks while doing a project. I found the snippets below to be extremely helpful to me as I faced this situation. These snapshots from the past remind me of where I came from and how strong and pure my faith was in the early days of my injury.
I hope these verses and thoughts are meaningful to you as well as you persevere on your own journey. If you would like to read the full post, you’ll find the links at the bottom.
Unbroken Spirit (written June 2015)
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. — 2 Corinthians 4:7
As much as it pains me to write this, there is something perfect about my life circumstances. There is something to be learned. There is something for me to share with others. My body may be as frail and breakable as a clay pot, but with God as treasure inside, I am being transformed.
I know I am not the only one that suffers. I have had so many friends share with me the hardships of their lives and it helps me to remember that during all these painful struggles, when we feel the worst about ourselves, we are perfect in God’s eyes. We are all being made holy. When life feels dark and unfamiliar, pray to God. Put your trust in him and he will not let your spirit break.
God Is Good (written November 2015)
Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees. Psalm 119:67-68
The most penetrating spiritual lessons I learn come during physical and emotional affliction. I am convinced that I would never learn these lessons were it not for my life circumstances. These lessons cut deep into my soul and leave a lasting conviction on my heart. God is good and what he does is good. Maybe God is saving my soul through this affliction that I live with day in and day out. Because this I can greatly rejoice.
To Be Rich (written January 2016)
Ephesians 6: 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Sometimes I get so caught up in the challenges of my life that I can’t see God. I want instant answers. I get mad. I get blinded by lies about who I am, what I’m worth, and how God feels about me. But even during those bouts of depression and confusion, I do a few things right. I tell trusted friends what I’m feeling (very important). I continue to pray. I continue to search the Scriptures for answers. I hold on, and I continue to stand my ground.
Diary of a Quadriplegic 
Terri, each is a great and encouraging truth to stand on. It’s wonderful to rejoice with you about the 6-month milestone of no hospitalizations.
I pray that the transition to another aide will go well and be a blessing to both you and the aide.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So glad to hear you have had less hospital stays, Terri! I know how hard those are on you.
I’m sorry about your aide. I know that’s also very hard on you to have to train someone else and get used to them. I’m trusting God will send you another gentle person who will handle you with care. “Do I trust in God’s plan or am I placing my faith in people?”. This is spoken from someone who has walked through the fire and learned to trust that God knows best. Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable.
Continue hugs and prayers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mary – it is so good to hear from you. Thank you for your continued support and prayers. With love, Terri
LikeLike
Terri you are such a beautiful writer! Your words are so encouraging and inspiring. I just sent this current one to a dear friend who recently discovered she has Stage 4 cancer. I know your sweet words will help her. Thank you for sharing your heart that makes such a big difference to many people! Love you! Susan K
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love you, Susan.
LikeLike
Good Morning my dear Couragious Sister and friend, I am extremely grateful to God almighty for his divine healing grace upon your life.May he alone continue to grant you more strength and divine health for being a blessing and source of encouragement to someone like me and other people you have also impacted through God’s word. Warm Regards. Judith H.
Yahoo Mail: Search, organise, conquer
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, dear Judith!
LikeLike
Good morning, sister Terri! I always read your letters and I always smile and have peace. No matter the topic. I want to tell you that your words do not come from ‘a quadriplegic’ spirit. You are as ‘normal’ like any of us who have a strong body. Your words are spirit and life. They are never flesh and death. Even in the trials. I have never met you on this earth. But I can feel your heart. I testify that you are blessed and highly favored! That you have received favor with God and man. This is a great ‘achievement-gift’ few can boast about. God bless you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Dr. Sylvia.
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your inspiration in how to persevere in faith and how to trust in God’s plans and not our own, Terri. You are a bright shining example of how God wants us to react when we face various hardships! I am SO glad you haven’t been hospitalized again and I will be praying for more stability with your caregivers. Love, Crystal Tyler
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind words, Crystal!
LikeLike
It is good to see your posts, your progress, and His care.
Thank you
BT
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! Blessings.
LikeLike
Terri, You are a bright star in the darkness. May the Light of the world continue to light and lighten your heart as you cling to Him in faith. How your words sing to me a song that often gets lost in the trials and disappointments of the day! A song of love and praise to the One who first loved us and gave Himself for us. God bless and keep you. And thank you for your “apples of gold in pictures of silver.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the encouragement!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello my Friend! To God be the glory for who He is and who you are in Him! I am rejoicing with you on your 6-month stay of non-hospitalization! What a blessing! It has been a while since our last communication my friend but it doesn’t stop me from thinking of you, praying for you, and loving you. You are sorely missed! Keep serving God as you have. You have a servant’s heart! Thank you for your willingness to share! I love you!
Angie Elam
LikeLiked by 1 person
If there is not an aide out there who is meant to be with you long term, then maybe God needs you to impress upon the ones who care for you short term. Your faith is worthy of being shared to as many aides and their families/friends/acquaintances, etc. as possible. You are in my prayers. God bless you, Terri.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are right, Nancy! Thank you for your prayers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is wonderful news!!! So glad you’re doing well!
LikeLiked by 1 person