… I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:7 – 8 (NLT)
Sometimes I feel so lost. I wonder how I can add any value to this world in my current condition. As selfish as it sounds, I’ve laid in bed for two or three days at a time in the darkest funk wishing I were not part of this world. On those days I refuse to get in my wheelchair and go out of my room or even outside to get fresh air. At some point I will finally ask myself, how did I get here? And the answer is always the same: I’ve relied on my flesh to cope in my world and not on the Spirit of our mighty God.
So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. – Galatians 5:16 – 17 (NLT)
What does my flesh want? To feel sorry for myself. To be isolated and sit in the dark. To just give up. Even when I was able-bodied I felt these things. When I’m relying on myself (my flesh) I am doomed and enslaved by darkness. Through prayer and faith, I can be set free and live in the light.
Without God, I would never be able to endure my life circumstances. None of us would be able to endure our life circumstances, whatever they are! When I don’t take time to pray, look at Scripture, and spend time with my sisters in Christ who can challenge and encourage me, I am destined to fall into a deep depression and become bitter towards God. The reality is, I have no power and God has all power over all things. Why am I not relying on and trusting in him?
Today I felt weak. I slept very little last night and I didn’t want to get out of bed. But I’m sitting in my wheelchair and I’m talking to you about my weakness and God’s strength. Even as I started to write this blog, I got a bad headache and felt distracted and discouraged. But I prayed and I pushed through. I’m not trying to toot my own horn because we all have our own struggles. But today God’s power was made perfect in my weakness. In that I can boast.
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 (NLT)
Diary of a Quadriplegic 