I have had all kinds of thoughts about being a quadriplegic. Why did this happen? Am I being punished? Is this my fault? I can’t live like this another day! A few days ago I was depressed the entire day because I missed being able to sit on the couch cross-legged while sipping on a hot cup of coffee. I hated this way of life on that particular day based on that one simple memory. And then there have been some really bad days when I told people I didn’t want to live.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. – Hebrews 1:1
A dear friend reminded me yesterday that my life is the race set before me. And it’s not just any race, it’s a race personally assigned to me by God. My race is unique from others. There’s no need for me to compare, feel jealous, indulge in self-pity, or otherwise. This is my race. It just is. You have yours. I have mine. As I run my race, I am to be free of encumbrances and to run with endurance. I don’t have to be the swiftest but I need to make it to the finish line.
You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. – Psalm 139:16
It’s taken a long time for me to come to terms with the following – my injury was meant to happen. I don’t understand why God allowed it to happen, but that’s not a requirement for me. I have no idea what God has going on behind the scenes, but the Bible says it’s too unbelievable for me to fathom. Maybe my broken neck injury saved me from something worse!
What I do know now is that this paralysis is not only part of my personal race it has been planned since before I was born. Some might say, why would God allow such a thing to happen? And I have to answer that question with another Scripture:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight… – Proverbs 3:5
No matter how frustrated, disgusted, or depressed I get about being a quadriplegic, I know I’m right where I am meant to be. I don’t have to understand why this happened. I just need to acknowledge that God is sovereign, loving, and good. And he doesn’t make mistakes.
Diary of a Quadriplegic 