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Armor of God

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Since my injury occurred a year and a half ago, I’ve developed fears which have resulted in deep-seated anxiety. I fear that as a disabled person I’m an easy target to be taken advantage of. I currently have a dispute with my last facility about overbilling. Unfortunately, I can’t walk through their doors in a power suit, armed with paperwork, and give them a piece of my mind. So instead I get worked up and frustrated to the point that I can’t think straight, all the while laying awake at night.

I also fear going to sleep at night. I’m afraid something will happen to me while I’m sleeping and I won’t know that it’s happening. It may sound outrageous to some but it feels like a real possibility to me. I’ve laid awake entire nights worrying and watching my door.

All of this anxiety boils down to two things: lack of power and lack of control. I truly have no physical power as a paralyzed person, but I do have the full armor of God which doesn’t require strong arms, legs, and hands to put on; it only requires control of a few simple things.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. – Ephesians 6:10

I first have to recognize who really has the power. This Scripture teaches me that God has mighty power. The devil wants to use these anxiety–producing thoughts to make me lose my faith in the mighty power of God.

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. – Ephesians 6:14 – 17

The Belt Of Truth – the Bible says in Proverbs 3:5 that I can trust God with all of my heart (and with all of my situations) and he will make my paths straight. It doesn’t say the paths will be smooth and easy, but God will lead me straight to him. The Bible also says in 1 Peter 5:7 that I can cast my anxieties on God because he cares for me.

The Breastplate of Righteousness – righteousness is what I strive for every day. I’m not perfect but it’s my goal.

The Shield of Faith – do I believe in a powerful God that is sovereign, loving, and protecting? Yes! This faith is what extinguishes the flaming arrows/negative thoughts. I sometimes recite Scriptures out loud to reinforce my shield (probably to the chagrin of my neighbors).

The Helmet of Salvation and Sword of the Spirit – which is the word of God. I stay in the word of God every day as much as possible. Even when I was able-bodied and didn’t make time the way I should have, I read at least one Scripture to hold in my heart.

God’s armor is not heavy. It actually makes the world much lighter. I’m thankful that God has a plan for all situations and his directions for steering clear of the evil one are concrete.

NOTE TO READERS: I also understand that sometimes counseling and medical advice is needed. I thank God for that as well.

The Apple of His Eye

My greatest challenge as a quadriplegic has been feeling worthwhile. Before my accident, I gained all of my confidence from my job, my outward appearance, and what other people thought of me. After my accident I felt so lost. For the first six months or so I didn’t even look in the mirror. If I did look, I hated what I saw. I remember seething with bitterness when I saw other women all dolled up the way I used to be. Everything the world offered me for self-confidence was gone.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes. Psalm 118:8 – 9

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings… Psalm 17:8

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:15 – 16

What the world offered me before for happiness was false and fleeting. If I’d only known that God was the only one who would never let me down. If I had only known that no boyfriend/prince would ever make me whole. Not only am I the apple of God’s eye, my name is engraved in the palms of his hands! No worldly love will ever complete me or match the depth of God’s unfailing, everlasting love.

I can’t say this struggle has left me. I find it challenging to even write about this now because my injury is still so fresh. But I know the Scriptures are truth and I am fighting to find my true worth in God alone.