Today I have hope because I am focusing on the right things. But my trek to this point has been hard.
As many of you know, I’ve had a rough several months. I’ve been in and out of the ICU, spent time in a long term acute care facility, and, for a while, was not able to return to the facility that has been my home for five years. That was probably the worst part of this journey. The good news is, I’ve returned to my facility, where much of the staff is like family to me, and I’m close to my church folk and many loyal friends who visit me on a regular basis.
As much as I am relieved to return to this facility, it’s felt like a very steep and treacherous passage. There’s been a lot of turnover with the CNA staff and it seems like I have a new person every night that’s not familiar with my routine or my wheelchair. Some of them are not full-time employees here, they’re coming from an outside agency, and they are the ones that can be uncaring and dismissive. I found myself taking oxycodone when I had no pain. I had to come clean with some sisters in my church who are also in recovery.
Because of the staffing problems and several other pressing situations, I’ve been anxious and depressed on and off and found myself wondering why God would allow me to have such a long stretch of trials. Although I know where my help comes from, the depression has made it so difficult to believe. Psalm 121:1-4 says:
I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. (NIV)
If God is the maker of heaven and earth he can certainly help me. God has not forgotten me! He doesn’t slumber and he won’t let my foot slip. How easily I forget this in the midst of painful hardship.
The NASB version of Psalm 43:2-5 says:
For You are the God of my strength; why have You rejected me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?
O send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me; Let them bring me to Your holy hill And to Your dwelling places. Then I will go to the altar of God, To God my exceeding joy; And upon the lyre I shall praise You, O God, my God.
Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.
I have, at times, felt rejected and I mourned. I said to myself, where are you, God? This is one of the first days I’ve allowed God’s light and his truth lead me. Today I had to fight to want to pray, and I had to fight to read the Bible. I felt really down today and because I was so disinclined to writing this blog, I felt like a failure. But I forced myself to write. It was so difficult!
I no longer want social media and the news lead off my day. As most of you know, the news is so very depressing. God is my exceeding joy and I want to sing his praises each morning. Please pray for me, that I will have some stability in my walk with God.
Finally, my sad face that at times feels unable to smile, my countenance, can be filled with joy with God.
Thank you to my blogging community. I’m so grateful for all of you. Reading your blog posts gives me hope. That’s also a cure for my countenance.
Amen.
Diary of a Quadriplegic 
Terri, thank you for being so transparent and honest with your struggles. You help others when you push through. Thank you for making yourself share with us today. When we encounter more than we can handle, it gives God the opportunity to handle it for us and with us. Thanks for the help of the Holy Spirit! Sending love and prayers your direction!
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I just read and commented on your blog about intimacy with God, or into- Me-see! I love that!
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Love you Terri, ypu teally are an inspiration to so many!!!
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Terri I wish I could come and visit you but that is not possible now. I pray
for you every night and I will continue. I love you and you help me
go through what I and going through right now. I want to give up but I pray
and think of you and thank God for giving me another day. I will continue
to pray and I love you.
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The Lord’s richest blessings upon you, Terri. I’ll be praying for you.
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Thank you, David. I also love your blogs – so educational, informational, and very inspiring!
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Oh Teri, Your world is tough. I have a “Bloggers prayer list” . You and Bill Sweeney (unshakeable hope blog) are at the top. I’ve been wondering how you have been doing. Know this. You are prayed for and not forgotten.
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Thank you for your prayers. That means so much to me. I just read your blog, Thoughts with a View. Such beautiful pictures. You’re right – only God… I am awestruck by our creator’s wonderful and colorful imagination. Is there a way for me to comment on your blog posts?
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Prayed for you little sister. God is gracious and patient. We can it all out to him.
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Congratulations on your Share Your Passion Tag nomination! I enjoy your blog posts so much. Is there a way for me to comment on your posts?
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Yes you just did 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
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You can leave a comment on one of my posts and I will approve it
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Teri, I am replying via email instead of directly on your blog as it was not accepting my password. I am glad you pushed yourself to write this blog. It strikes a cord with me and I am sure everyone who reads it. I am sad that things have been so difficult. I cannot even imagine what it must be like for you. I am thankful to God for your honesty and vulnerability in sharing, but also for your faith that even when down and on the bottom you look to God and His word to encourage you. Lory Demshar
On Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 7:14 PM Diary of a Quadriplegic wrote:
> Terri Nida posted: “Today I have hope because I am focusing on the right > things! But my trek to this point has been arduous. As many of you know, > I’ve had a rough several months. I’ve been in and out of the ICU, spent > time in a long term acute care facility, and, for a whil” >
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Hi Lory. Thank you so much for the encouragement. I just read your blog about giants and realize I have been relying on my own strength! Great post.
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Terri, you are amazing. Even when you question, feel down or depressed, you are still an encouragement and inspiration.
This may sound strange, but it really isn’t. During the many times of reading your posts, it is obvious the close relationship you have with our Lord Jesus, even during suffering and despair. This most recent season of turmoil you have been through, and continue through with all the changes of staff at your “Home”.
When someone with your Spiritual strength, and relationship with Christ, and sensitivity to Holy Spirit, calls out to our Heavenly Father with questions, each of us can benefit, realizing that God understands and does not get angry when we sincerely question, and then wait on Him.
Thank you Terri, for your honesty and vulnerability.
You are appreciated and loved by many. Always look forward to what you write.
God Bless you Friend.
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Hi George – please know that I am not amazing at all. God is amazing and he gives me strength. I can do all things through him who gives me strength! Thank you so much for the encouragement. I just read and commented on your latest blog. Really great post!
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Thank you for your openness and honestly, Terri. Mary and I are praying for you, my friend.
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I am sharing your post and you blog in my post Friday September 13
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Terri, Thank you for your post! Your faith calls me higher. Your honesty, vulnerability (in the best sense of that word) and love for God just humbles me. I’m grateful to know you and to call you my friend. Love you so much! Meg
Sent from my iPhone
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I am praying for you, Terri!
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Terri, thank you for this encouraging post. You’ve expressed the heart of so many believers who suffer, not knowing when the pain, anguish, or grief will end. We’re the Body of Christ though, and our Father never wastes our afflictions.
Press on dear sister, it’s so good to hear from you. 🌹
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Amen! I love Psalm 121. It’s one of my favorite psalms. It’s so comforting to know that God is always watching over us.
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I know life can be so hard no matter the physical
situation one is in. You are strong and such an inspiring person. I really enjoy reading your blog post. Thank you for writing your heart and being so vulnerable. It is good to hear I’m not alone. Depression is real. The enemy works to pull us down, keep clinging to Jesus and His word as truth no matter what thoughts come into your mind. I too have had to fight them a lot lately. So has many I know… we are in an end time I think. Stay strong my sister in Jesus.
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Thank you so much.
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Terri, so wonderful to hear from you, Many times I have wondered how you were and asked our Father to take care of you and meet your needs.
Thank you for sharing, it’s good that we can be open and honest and say it like it is, Trials are not always easy. They usually come in “packs”, not just one at a time.
You fought the good fight and you were able to over come the thoughts that were stopping you from praying, reading the Bible, and writing. Praise God.
I will continue praying for you dear Terri. You are such a blessing and encouragement to so many.♥️🍃♥️
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Dear Terri- My heart aches for you as I read your post- you really are such an encouragement and inspiration. I have read Psalms 90:13-17 in the NIV, the Message and Amplified- this is my prayer for you – that you may be glad as many days as you have been afflicted- that you will know the work that God has given you and that he will satisfy you in the morning- surprising you with His unfailing love. Thank you so much for being so real❤️
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Dear Terri- My heart aches for you as I read your post- you really are such an encouragement and inspiration. I have read Psalms 90:13-17 in the NIV, the Message and Amplified- this is my prayer for you – that you may be glad as many days as you have been afflicted- that you will know the work that God has given you and that he will satisfy you in the morning- surprising you with His unfailing love. Thank you so much for being so real❤️
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Here we are in a place that only God can bring us out of. I am there with you Terri, no matter how painful and dark it gets, you are not alone. We will continue to pray for each other knowing and trusting our God is always there, strengthening our spiritual walk. Thank you for your words of encouragement, you are an Amazing Woman.
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So good to see a new post from you Terri. Was praying for you yesterday morning & wondering how you were doing.
Your concerns are valid. Trusting in a God who is invisible and often elusive is never easy. But, that is the point. He wants us to trust in Him by faith in His word and by hope in His promises. Those are not things relevant to the god’s of this world.
A scripture I came across a while back may be applicable here and as I have pondered these same quandaries you bring to light here:
For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt thou not deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living? Psalm 56:13
If God went to the extreme to secure our salvation and give us victory over death in the future, would He not also provide means of escaping life’s complexities we experience in the present?
This scripture gives us hope that He does.
So glad to hear you are still fighting the fight of faith and clinging to His everlastingly arms. He has you Terri & sees and knows All Things! Blessings.
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Terri, You are always so open and honest – it is hard to share but I believe it is healing when you share. Depression and anxiety are struggles I deal with too. Its so hard at times to get motivated! Struggles with faith and anxiety are part of my daily walk too. I agree the news is horrible and FaceBook can be so overwhelming. It seem like one extreme or another.
Each day is a battle for each of us, although battles may differ. I continually pray for you and ask you continue to pray for me. I hope this weekend you see more of God’s light!
Love you!
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Dear Sweet Terri, your good friend Linda Shahzad is visiting with me in VA for a few days.. I read to her your recent blog.. Oh how she admires you.. as do I..
we are stopping what we are doing right now to pray for you Terri..
Oh Terri.. Linda’s heart felt beautiful prayer for you.. I so wish you could have heard it, a spiritual moment.. 🙏. Beautiful Soul…
I look forward to the day when I am in Durham and Linda will be introducing you to me in person.. a lady, I actually feel as if I know already, through Linda’s ‘heart of love’..
Keep blogging Terri, sharing/Teaching us all, my dear friend.. Carole
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How exhausting! I am very sorry to hear you are going through this. Thank you for having the courage to let us know specifically what your needs are.
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Thank you Terri for not giving up and for sharing your experience with us. You are in God’s are.
I am praying for you, as are many others. Thank you for carrying God’s message to us.
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I meant you are in God’s Care.
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Wow. Thanks for being so honest.
Don’t ever forget that you are so loved by Him and He holds your life in His hands. You are in the palms of His hands.
May you find rest and His constant peace ma’am. 🙏
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May you know His love nearer and deeper than ever as you look to the Lord each day.
Keeping you in prayer dear sister.
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Dear Terri, I am blessed to know where you are and how you are trusting the Lord through the most difficult times. You are truly a witness of His grace. I have waited to hear from you for your contribution to our book. If this is not possible, let me know and I can use quotes from your blog posts. I would love to hear from you, though. I have continued to pray for you knowing the Lord is with you. Isaiah 40:31 has been a help for me for many years. It is one of our Scripture Tunes I could share with you. “Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you; yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Much love, prayers, and blessings. Fran
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Hi Fran – I plan to call you this week. So sorry for the delay.
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No “sorry” necessary. It is just so good to hear from you. I look forward to your call. Much love and blessings. 🙂
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Terri, My prayer for you is Eph 3:16-21. Psalm 37:4 says he will give us our heart’s desires when we delight in him. Thank you for sharing your journey with God. I love and respect you deeply.
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My heart hurts for you. I wish I could do more for you. I pray for you daily and pray you get out of this depression and back to yourself. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.
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My dear friend, it is so good that you share your ups and your downs with us. That is also what makes the Psalms and the life of David so powerful and relatable. This is been a challenging season for me as well and so much of the time I find myself on a roller coaster.
I love Isaiah 40:28-31 and have gone to it so often. “ The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can Measure the depth of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will grow weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”
But lately I have been feeling like God is not helping me. So I looked at verse 27. “ Oh Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? Oh Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? “ I felt like God was speaking to me and my impatience and secret doubts. And reminding me who he is and who I am.
It’s good to know that we are not alone. I love you and deal for you and pray for you. Betsy
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