It’s been a long month. I’ve spent more than 4 weeks in a hospital setting, and many days laying in the ICU. As a quadriplegic, I am unable to move in the bed or get up and walk around, so lying completely still for days and days causes a lot of anxiety and depression. I feel like I want to jump out of my skin because I get so crazy. I was finally transferred out of the hospital but into another long-term acute care facility (LTAC). An LTAC is basically a step down hospital for people who are too sick to return home or back to a facility, but can’t stay in a real hospital.
Last week I finally reached my breaking point since all this happened. I felt like my sanity, my faith, and my emotional well-being had snapped. I couldn’t think straight. I found it difficult to pay attention to what people were saying and sometimes felt at a loss of how to respond. It scared me and I wondered if I was losing my mind. Thankfully I had friends and family visit with me every day, many who spent time praying with me and for me.
James 5: 13 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord.
The good news: since I’ve been in this LTAC, my lungs have gotten better. They are not completely healed but at least I don’t have to get suctioned every day just to breathe. I’m still on oxygen for now, but they will be weaning me off of that soon. So as good as this news may seem, now I have to leave this place because I’m not sick enough to be here! It’s on to another long-term care (LTC) facility and I am terrified of a new place with new staff and new challenges. There is a long shot chance I can go back to my former facility, but it looks like a super long shot right now.
I feel so lost right now. I’m researching different LTCs and finding someone has something negative to say about all of them, despite how they are rated on the government websites. This situation is so discouraging at times and yet I know God will lead me to the place I should go.
Isaiah 30: 20 Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. 21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
After the long hospitalization and now having to start over with a new LTC, I am faced with things not turning out the way I hoped and prayed they would. I’ve had some serious frustrations and doubts over the last month or so. Most of the time, I like to think that everything is for God’s good purpose (Roman 8:28) and so it should have a rosy ending. Sometimes I look at scriptures like Psalm 18 and wonder, where are you God?
Psalm 18: 6 In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. 7 The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry.
But we all know from other scriptures that there is no insulation from pain and heartache. Job, Joseph, Moses, John the Baptist, Paul, and countless others felt it. Most importantly, Jesus felt it. It’s all about how we react to it that shares a message with those around us.
I’m asking God to help me to stay faithful and prayerful and walk as Jesus walked in times of hardship. I want this mess to become a message. I want these difficulties to build my character.
Romans 5: 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.
I look forward to these trials allowing me to experience pure joy. It may come in this lifetime or maybe even the next, but I know it’s waiting for me and I look forward to it with eager anticipation.
James 1: 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Amen.
Diary of a Quadriplegic 
Ah, Terri, when I saw your post in my inbox, I rejoiced…a fresh word from one who always inspires me. And it’s true. You have. You do. But at such a cost to you. My heart grieves at your pain and struggle…yet, I believe God is giving you a harvest in lives you touch that you cannot even begin to glimpse. I will keep you in prayers as the LTC process continues. Like you, I believe God will direct in that. It may be a beloved child of His in a new facility desperately needs to see Him in you. It may be that someone in a new facility has sweet gifts to impart to you. Likely it is both. Trusting the goodness will be visible quickly. With love and humble thankfulness for you, Billie Jo
LikeLiked by 4 people
Thank you, Billy Jo!
LikeLike
Hi Terri, Thank you so much for keeping everyone posted. It’s so good to hear that things are a little bit better. Will be thinking of you a lot. I know that you will be able not just to navigate what comes but also teach us how to experience joy amidst hardship. Suzanne
LikeLiked by 2 people
Suzanne – I’ve sent you an email reply.
LikeLike
Terri, I appreciate your vulnerability and reliance on God’s word. You inspire me and I will be praying for you stay faithful and prayerful as you have said. Love, Diane
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you for your prayers.
LikeLike
Terri, continuing to pray for you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for your prayers, Cheryl.
LikeLike
Hi Terri. A month in hospital is a long time. A long time away from your regular, familiar surroundings. It is a strain on family members also, as they are concerned, and not quite sure what is happening, or what will be next.
I believe I mentioned my nephew at one time, who was in hospital for 6+ months, three of the months in ICU. So I understand a bit, from the family perspective, but realizing it is a whole lot worse from the patient perspective.
I guess the LTC you were originally at, is not equipped to have you as a resident again at this time. Are the other facilities you are checking in the same vicinity so family and friends will still be able to visit freely?
Terri, even with all the challenges and difficulties that come your way, through no fault or doing, of your own, I find you and Bill to be two of the most upbeat, faithful, encouraging people I know. Your honesty, even when you are feeling down, and wondering what is happening, is so refreshing. I am so thankful for having the privilege of knowing you Terri, and calling you a Friend.
Will be praying for you Terri, as you are in this transition stage. Praying for the possibility of returning to the LTC you were familiar with, and the staff you knew.
God’s Blessings.
George
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you for your prayers, George!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have you in my prayers. You continue to be an inspiration to me.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for your prayers, Martha.
LikeLike
I’m so glad you’re doing better. Today’s post was really special. Thank you! I gave a copy to my wife as she’s been down lately. The hope you give to your audience is a reminder that God’s got this despite how we feel. Have a blessed day. You’re in our prayers.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you Gregory.
LikeLike
I am so sad to hear you are having to move again. I know your faith has been tested with the long hospital stay and now not being able to stay at this facility you are in now. For everything you go through each day your an inspiration to so many people. Including myself. I enjoy reading your updates and regular blogs. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers especially in the days ahead as you move once again to another facility. Let me know if you need anything and I will see you soon!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Pingback: Power of Hardships – His Eye Is On The Sparrow
Your unique suffering is only known by God himself. We are all praying for you to be comforted. Jesus promised he will NEVER leave you.-Gayle
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sweet Terri,
God must be thinking about you so much to make so many of us think about you and pray. If He put you on our hearts, you are definitely on His.
Praying!!! Thanks for keeping us in the loop.
LikeLike
Terri, please remember the words of our Lord Jesus who told us that he would give us a peace that passes all understanding. Such peace is what I’m asking Him to bring to you this night.
None of us have all understanding to know why things happen to us they way that they do. I believe we are tried in order for the Lord to burn away all the impurities in our lives. Heaven knows I’ve been through enough fire to understand this concept and still He works on me, just as He does with you.
You are not forgotten my friend. Not by the many followers who are praying for you, and certainly not by your Heavenly Father. This much I know…if the Lord sees one sparrow that falls, and if He can number the hairs on our heads, he most certainly hears your earnest please for his help.
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth! Psalm 46:1,10
Peace and comfort to you my friend…
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you for the encouragement my friend.
LikeLike
Such inspiration and courage. You are amazing, I pray that God continues to heal you. Thanks for sharing your story
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wow Terri, your faith and fortitude is amazing. I will continue to pray for you and God’s intervention in managing thie next steps. Connie
LikeLiked by 2 people
Dear Terri, as usual, we read so as to understand how we may pray for you. We come away, as usual, having received encouragement and joy from Christ, who witnesses through your “mess with His message.” How beautiful He speaks through your infirmities. I am thankful that you have family and friends to comfort you. Much love, prayer, and blessings for you.,
LikeLiked by 3 people
Terri,
My heart goes out to you. My prayers are with you. I am praying for God’s grace and strength and comfort for you. That you would feel him ever so near and that He would give you the strength to endure and see His new mercies every morning.
You are an encouragement and testimony to me and many others.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Terr, all I can say is that I LOVE YOU and I thank God for you! Otherwise, I’m speechless!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sharing your experience thoughts and heart in your blog is so powerful!
Hope you know the ripples reach out far and wide.
In my prayers
Lynn
LikeLiked by 3 people
Praying for you and thanking God every day for you, Terri.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Your courage and transparency are so real, Terri. Praying all you ask and more will come to pass.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you friend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Terri, you are an amazing woman, and I admire your transparency, strength, and courage. I am praying for your continued healing, and for God to put you in a good place that you can call home.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Your in my thoughts and prayers Terri; praying you continue to be courageous and are spiritually strengthened every day. God is always with you.
We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials. – St. Teresa of Avila
1 Peter 2:19-21 – Peter instructs that we have been called to endure pain while suffering for Christ, our example. God actually calls us to suffer as His Son did, and this is not to diminish us, but to glorify us, because it is by our suffering that we truly share in the eternal priesthood of Jesus Christ.
“Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus — a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.”
St. Teresa of Calcutta
God Bless Terri
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m so sorry, Terri. I wish so much that I could help you in some way. It is bad enough that you are dealing with your physical problems, but going to a new facility and having to get used to new caregivers… It’s all so difficult! Mary and I will be praying that this will result in a Romans 8:28 situation.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you Bill. I’ll keep you posted.
LikeLike
So good to read your blog today. I have not ceased in praying for you. May He give you peace in transitions and provide a home and a good team of staff to surround you with care and nourishment for your spirit.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I will pray for your search and that God will allow you to find purpose and joy sooner rather than later. And that peace will surround you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Rebecca.
LikeLike
Terri I pray for you daily . I know your struggles are hard but through your struggles you inspire us all . My daughter has battled leukemia since she was 9 years old she is now 40 years old , as I have seen her struggle I have also seen a very strong woman God has given her a testimony only she can share as with you also so Cuz I admire the strong women of our family made strong through Jesus Christ . Blessings Terri
LikeLiked by 2 people
Praying you are well, Terri. I know it has been extremely difficult but I have been praying God sustains you daily and comforts you daily as well 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person