On October 14, 2018, I lost my dad. He was 88 years old and was in terrible pain. Although we feel a sense of relief that he is no longer suffering, the sorrow is still there. I’m sure many of you understand this from personal experience.
What followed was a flurry of activity and distraction. The next week, I was busy with funeral arrangements, the visitation and funeral service, answering condolence messages on Facebook, reading condolence cards, and speaking to many people who stopped by my room to say they were sorry and ask how I was doing. Each day seemed to slip by without prayer and scripture, and this was a time I really needed it. By the weekend, I felt empty. My desert-like heart needed to be watered by God’s love and comfort.
Luke 8: 14 The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature.
I was choked, overwhelmed and numb. After all, I had visited with this man almost every day for the last year and a half while he slowly declined in health and dementia. After he spent most of his lifetime taking care of me, I was taking care of him. It was so emotionally painful. Every fiber in my being wanted to take oxycodone so I could blissfully fly away from these feelings if for just an hour or two. Those who have read my blog before know that I’ve struggled with addiction most of my life and that would’ve been a death trap.
Psalm 23: 1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he refreshes my soul. 3 He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
The world gives me worries to distract and discourage me, but the Lord is my shepherd, my protector, my guide. I am not led by the evil spirit of this world when I am reaching out to and following God. When I reach out for help, I am able to lie down in the green pastures of rest, and led to the soothing peace of quiet waters.
God refreshes my soul (v.2). He will always bring me back from my hiatus from him, regardless of how long I’ve been away; and as verse 3 says, even though I walk through the darkest valley, he is still with me! This very Psalm lifted the hovering dark cloud when I was feeling so down and drained.
Matthew 11: 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
I so needed rest. I didn’t need some in-depth Bible study, nor did I need an hour-long prayer each day to prove to God how much I desired to be healed. I needed simple prayers and simple verses to get rest for my soul. I did just that and I was less weary and burdened.
Psalm 51: 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Amen.
Diary of a Quadriplegic 
WOW, I so needed this right now. Thank you for sharing. God certainly knows when and what we need to hear at times of struggle. Love you!
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Dear Terri, thank you for sharing your heart felt thoughts. I remember when I lost my mom after a year of trying to figure out what to do to restore her health, all the doctor appointments, diagnostic tests, and ongoing struggles, I too felt numb after she passed. I felt as if the world had tilted in another direction; without her nothing was quite right. The times spent together are priceless!
Your words about reconnecting to God are so clear cut, and the scriptures that you used, so meaningful! I appreciate too, how you explained how God is eager to welcome you into his loving presence without jumping through spiritual hoops.
Your dad was so supportive, I remember when he would drive over to see you three times a week, and wait for your van to pull up at church so that he could escort you in! It was a blessing that you shared times together at Hillcrest.
Love, and peace to you!
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Terri, may the God of all comfort, comfort you during this season. Your post about resting and being refreshed is encouraging. Love and a big hug!
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Hi Terri, so sorry to hear about your dad. Thank you for sharing this difficult loss and the living hope in God’s word. Am praying for you sister. 🌹
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I appreciate your prayers.
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Thanks for sharing your journey. The struggle is real. Praying for you!
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My goodness, let me offer condolences to you, Terri. And may your dear father rest in paradise with our dear Heavenly Father. I pray God continues to be close to you during this time and that He continues to restore and sustain your spirit. -Psalm 34:18
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You are so beautiful. I love your vulnerability and willingness to be open.
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Thanks for sharing Terri… it’s so easy to get distracted and forget to rest in his presence. Thanks for the reminder! Praying God will be a very present help as you grieve. 💗
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I am so sorry for your loss, Terri.
I have told you before that I love and so appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. The Holy Spirit speaks through you, my friend. I am praying that the Holy Spirit will comfort you and fill you with peace going forward.
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I too lost my dad in March this year. He was 89 and struggling with many health issues. I saw him everyday as you and your dad. Still working through it but I know he is in eternity as we all will be when we pass away. He was Catholic and believed in Jesus so by God’s grace he is with our Lord right now. God judges the heart. Ephesians 2:8 & 9.
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