I’ve spent the last three weeks without my computer. The first week was okay, even though I had nothing to do besides watch TV. The second week I started to become anxious and depressed because I didn’t have what I consider to be my lifeline. My laptop is the only way I can read the Bible, write my blog, and communicate with people through email, texting and phone calls.
By the third week I went into the death spiral. I had too much time on my hands and I started to get mad at God and people. What started out as frustration over not having my laptop-lifeline, turned into a whirlwind of negative emotions.
I began to question why my life was so difficult as a quadriplegic. I began to hate not having control of my body and having to rely on others for everything from hygiene to turning the volume up on the TV. I started creating anxiety driven scenarios. What if someone comes in my room at night and attacks me and I have no way to defend myself? What if I somehow lose my ability to speak and cease to be able to use my voice recognition software that allows me to connect with the world? What if? What if? What if?
And then these things came to mind.
Hebrews 13: 15 Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name.
Psalm 42: 11 Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Somewhere in the midst of all those negative thoughts, I had lost sight of God. I had lost sight of his power, his compassion, and his unchanging character. My prayers were few and far between and were more like complaints than times of praise and honor to God.
Someone challenged me to thank God for whatever I am supposed to learn in difficult life situations. I hated that sound of that, but I did it anyway. I learned that I don’t have to be content with the situation to be thankful to God. In fact, I can go through times of hardship and depression and still thank God.
In the end, I thanked God for my quadriplegia and asked him to help me to learn as much as I can learn during this season of my life. I thanked him for the three weeks without my laptop because I learned a lesson about patience and trust. I thanked him for all the things I do have rather than the things I don’t have. I finally began to feel at peace.
Habakkuk 3: 17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Amen.
Diary of a Quadriplegic 
Amen Terri! Your words are powerful, and deep. Thank you for always being so vulnerable!
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Thank you Terri. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability.
You are an inspiration.
With all that you have gone through, and still go through, things that the vast majority of us will never do, and can’t even imagine, you still can encourage others. Having a down time is normal, I am sure, but you are so sensitive to the Spirit of Jesus, you do not stay there.
I Praise Jesus with you, and for you.
God’s Blessings on you Terri.
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Great blog about patience and being thankful to God always. Some of us may not have quadriplegia but we all have something that we go through that we get down on life and probably down on God about. Good reminder that we should always be thankful to him. I’m glad Tom was able to repair your laptop once the right screen came in! 😊
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“I learned that I don’t have to be content with the situation to be thankful to God. In fact, I can go through times of hardship and depression and still thank God.”
Thank you Terri for this insightful message, I really needed to be reminded to be thankful and rejoice always in God no matter what kinds of difficult hardships come around. As the Scripture says in 2 Corinthians 4:17, all our troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that outweighs them all and I truly thank God for that and for you as well.
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I greatly appreciate both your emotional honesty and spiritual humility. Your words challenge me to “rejoice in” (not necessarily “for”) all things.
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Terri, I especially like your comment of how we do not have to be content with a situation to be thankful for it. Definitely something for me to remember! I am also glad you have your computer back so you could share these experiences with us.
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Cheryl – I’m still working hard to be thankful in challenging times
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Blessings dear Terri! I’m sharing this with my online support group. You are such an inspiration.
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You inspire and challenge me always. Thankful, humbled and awed at how you help me focus on our great God. You, undoubtedly, will not know till heaven the seeds you sow and the harvest you are responsible for. Love and prayers. Billie Jo
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Thank you, Billie Jo. I’m grateful my ramblings help others. 🙂
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Thank for your honesty and humility. Your post helped a great deal this morning.
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This verses are beautiful reminders and words from God when we are at a low point in life. The last verse you quoted can be found in a video of Don Moen’s song “I Will Sing”. When I hit a low point in 2013-2014, this song was my anthem. If you don’t know it, I encourage you to listen to it at this link: https://youtu.be/5W1EdvUfaRY
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If you were invulnerable we would admire you, but could not relate. Your warts-and-all courage never fails to inspire, Terri.
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It is so challenging to be thankful in hard times… but God tell us it is His will for our lives (1 Thessalonians 5:16 Rejoice always; 17 pray without ceasing; 18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.) I always appreciate people who can be honest on the journey. Thanks for sharing this!
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As it is with many of your posts, Terri, I can so relate. My computer crashed a year or so ago and I thought I was going mad, I was so frustrated! When you are paralyzed, you rely on technology, especially computers and TV. Television gets old fast! I do listen to audio books, which I enjoy, but still… I am thankful for my computer.
Great post. You are such an inspiration to me, Terri.
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Thank you Terri! I am so grateful for your words and scriptures. They bring my heart peace and remind me to delight in God. So grateful for you and praying for you.
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Thanks for your encouraging comments and for reading my blog!
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