… I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:7 – 8 (NLT)
Sometimes I feel so lost. I wonder how I can add any value to this world in my current condition. As selfish as it sounds, I’ve laid in bed for two or three days at a time in the darkest funk wishing I were not part of this world. On those days I refuse to get in my wheelchair and go out of my room or even outside to get fresh air. At some point I will finally ask myself, how did I get here? And the answer is always the same: I’ve relied on my flesh to cope in my world and not on the Spirit of our mighty God.
So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. – Galatians 5:16 – 17 (NLT)
What does my flesh want? To feel sorry for myself. To be isolated and sit in the dark. To just give up. Even when I was able-bodied I felt these things. When I’m relying on myself (my flesh) I am doomed and enslaved by darkness. Through prayer and faith, I can be set free and live in the light.
Without God, I would never be able to endure my life circumstances. None of us would be able to endure our life circumstances, whatever they are! When I don’t take time to pray, look at Scripture, and spend time with my sisters in Christ who can challenge and encourage me, I am destined to fall into a deep depression and become bitter towards God. The reality is, I have no power and God has all power over all things. Why am I not relying on and trusting in him?
Today I felt weak. I slept very little last night and I didn’t want to get out of bed. But I’m sitting in my wheelchair and I’m talking to you about my weakness and God’s strength. Even as I started to write this blog, I got a bad headache and felt distracted and discouraged. But I prayed and I pushed through. I’m not trying to toot my own horn because we all have our own struggles. But today God’s power was made perfect in my weakness. In that I can boast.
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 (NLT)
Diary of a Quadriplegic 
Terri, I’m encouraged by our openness. Depression is hard no matter what our circumstances are in life. From personal knowledge, it is so hard to overcome depression. It’s easy to say “stay outward focused” and it gets better – but so hard to do in reality. I truly believe you are making a difference, you are encouraging others in a way you don’t even realize. Your openness and honesty are refreshing and welcomed. I am amazed at your strength and faith. You may think you aren’t being strong, but you are. Everyone has days they don’t want to get out of bed, or go to work (yup, me! lol)….but even on those days you give in, the other days, like today, you don’t. I pray that your days of “funk” become less and less frequent. That you find joy and peace as you go about your day. And most of all, that you know you are loved by many and you are making a difference in our lives. xoxoxox
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Paulette – you inspire me also with your loyalty, friendship, and Jesus – like heart.
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I am glad you pushed through today and shared this blog with us! God bless you.
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Just THIS MORNING I was thinking about that scripture for you. Because of this thorn you are able to see scriptures in 3 D and technicolor. And he a use of your generous heart and spunky spirit you are able to share it with us.
Be strong (whenever you can) be weak when you need to but fix your eyes on Jesus realizing that there is a great cloud of witnesses cheering you on.
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Thank you Terri. You are a blessing. As you write it reminds us (ME) that God is a necessary being in life every day. I can think I can get by on my own, and it may appear that way to others at times, but when life is lived that way, the inner man, spirit, is messed up if admitted to or not. As much as I know to surrender all things, every day, it does not always happen, and back to the cross I need to go.
Thanks again Terri. Don’t be hard on yourself. God’s Blessings.
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Praise the Lord for you and your message! Be comforted that many if not most of us have been or are there. We need encouragement like this. : )
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Great message! Thanks for sharing …
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Thank-you. I needed this word from God today. It was devinely given to me at just the right time!
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i absolutely love this!!
“Even when I was able-bodied I felt these things.” – wow how powerful and true is that!?!
“Without God, I would never be able to endure my life circumstances. ….When I don’t take time to pray, look at Scripture, and spend time with my sisters in Christ who can challenge and encourage me, I am destined to fall into a deep depression and become bitter towards God.” YES!
these are quotes i want to take right out of here and put in my book!
thank you for sharing, again and again. be encouraged your words are powerful, and they need to be heard!
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Amen!!!
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I think of you and pray for you often. God is entrusting you with His heart as you can touch others and share Christ in your struggles and “real” – as many cannot. It may seem so unfair at times but remember, as you push through and glorify Him – it’s counted for eternal riches and glory. Great will be your reward! Hang in there sis and I’m praying that you can count your blessings & that you’ll see more blessing than trial in this day.
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Thank you for your prayers!
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You continue to impress and inspire. IO hope can see from you followers and comments that you are adding value to the world. Maybe even more so than if this had never happened!
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